Monday, November 02, 2009

Themes

My tweep Casual Perfectionist pointed out that a few years ago when she did NaBloPoMo there was theme. I thought to myself, would that hinder or help me? Today I ponder that very thing, wondering what do I write about today?

Last night, I dreamt I spoke to God. In my dream, he looked like Tom Collichio (let's not ask why). I recall asking him about the direction I should go with my life. He didn't answer much, would sort of look at me with a what do you think? look. As he walked away from me, I did ask him what my father thought about my choices. He assured me, my dad wanted me to do what made me happy.

Hardly a day goes by that I don't wish I could call my dad. I try not to blame myself for all those missed opportunities to tell him things. I try to focus on one of the more meaningful conversations we had before he passed. When I asked my father, do you talk God?

He replied, yes. I imagine being faced with cancer and death being a certainty that the thought of an afterlife, or a life without pain would have crossed his mind.

What do you say? I inquired. My whole life, we had never spoke of God before. But I needed assurance that my dad had set things right when he had the chance.

"I ask him to look after you kids, and Debbie . And that when it's time to go that I'll go".

I wiped tears from my eyes. "that's all I needed to know".

He died four days later. And after six years, my heart still aches.

2 comments:

The Casual Perfectionist said...

This post made me teary, Melissa! I made my own theme the first year I did NaBloPoMo, and it was nice to have something on which to focus. I didn't do a theme the 2nd year, and it was nice to have the "freedom" to post what I wanted. This year, I'm sort of following a theme, but it's a fluid and flexible project.

Keep up the good work! You've got 2 days done! :)

mamabirdsblog said...

So proud of you for doing NaBloPoMo!

And, so glad for you that you got to have that conversation with your father before he passed. You have that to hold onto now. Since my father died unexpectedly, our last conversation was a quick matter of fact phone call. And, since I wasn't a Christian then, it would never have mattered to me the way it does now to know if he had a relationship with God. My prayer is that both our Dads are up there in Heaven right now playing cards!